Everybody loves a good, long IEP meeting, right? Wrong! Heather from Word to Your Mother explains these torturous meetings and what she’d rather do than sit through another fun-filled IEP Meeting!
I’d rather change my name to MC HB aka Tenacious Cakes and tour the country spitting mad rhymes about the dangers of Easy Bake Ovens than go through another IEP Meeting.
Which is to say I do not want to continue preparing for my son’s meeting scheduled for tomorrow.
See, if you want to make the most of the conference from hell, you have to prepare.
There is a lot of legal jargon you must get through to understand your child’s rights.
Then there are the acronyms…
So. Many. Acronyms.
IDEA, ADA, FAPE, SP, OT, SLP, SPED, ABA…
Honestly, you need a degree, or at least a lot of time to get to know these bad boys.
ALL PARENTS WITH SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS HAVE TONS OF FREE TIME
And just when you think you can’t possibly take anymore…it’s time for the meeting!
Everyone there is stressed…SPED officials have deadlines, and they are under incredible amounts of pressure, and it’s part of their job to tell you what your kid cannot do.
SO. MUCH. FUN.
I have been a total stress case over this IEP for over a month now.
Today I needed a break.
So, I put together this list of all of the things I’d rather do than read case law, study acronyms, and, finally, attend the IEP meeting.
25 Things I’d Rather Do Than Go Through Another IEP Meeting
1. Read the explicit lyrics to “Get Low” by Lil Jon to a group of Senior Citizens
2. Explain all of my Amazon purchases to my husband…in person
3. Run down the beach next to Giselle Bundchen in matching bikinis on live television
4. Get my Lady Business waxed into the shape of a question mark
5. Roller skate through Walmart asking strangers if they are “The Gatekeeper.”
6. Get stuck in an elevator with Jay Z and Solange Knowles
7. Bathe a feral cat
8. Hang out in the airport smokers lounge while suffering from a stomach virus
9. Eat sushi from the sketchy Ethnic restaurant in the Atlanta Airport
10. Sing the Star Spangled Banner at the Super Bowl making sure to raise my finger to point when I “hit the high notes” (I can’t sing)
11. Argue with an overly enthusiastic mother who feels powerful because somebody gave her a clipboard
12. Cover my body with spray adhesive, roll in glitter & offer myself up to the Mississippi mosquitos in July
13. Post a photo of myself with my tongue out on Facebook
14. Drink a tall glass of curdled milk after ingesting whatever is in that Tupperware container in the back of my refrigerator
15. Touch everything at the Pediatrician’s office-toys, doorknobs, magazines-without washing my hands or using Germ-Ex after
16. Wear a Leisure Suit to all of my daughter’s ballgames without offering anyone an explanation
17. Clean the port-o-potties after a Phish concert without gloves
18. Balance my checkbook
19. Star in a Urinary Incontinence Commercial
20. Trade in Wifi for Dial Up
21. Go Live on Facebook from my bathroom during a colon cleanse
22. Parallel Park
23. Wear crocs
24. Watch a marathon of Sarah McLachlan SPCA Dog commercials with my sensitive nine-year-old daughter
25. Go back to high school
Do not get me wrong.
I would walk through fire for my son.
That would be easier, actually, because at least then I would know the outcome.
See, there’s something about going into the IEP knowing what your child needs…
What your child deserves.
And being told NO.
Being told to settle for less than fair and appropriate.
And feeling belittled by people who seem to have lost their passion for the children that need their help the most.
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Millions of special needs parents struggle with IEP’s this time of year…April. Which is also Autism Awareness Month.
Now that’s a joke.
About the Author
Heather is a stay-at-home mom of 3 suffering from STS (small town syndrome). She enjoys reality TV and hates to clean. When she’s not trying to locate the other white sock, you can find her on Twitter or Facebook attempting to regain her sanity.