And he knows broken = bad. He’ll say something like, “It’s broken. It’s really bad.”
But then he breaks things on purpose. Especially things that he likes. And my goodness, he gets SO upset about them being broken. But *he* did it!
Today, he broke a bell-shaped ornament. I’m guessing he knew this was not good, because he took it to the closet in my room and shut himself up in there with some tape. I’m not sure if his intent was to tape it back together or if the tape was merely a coincident. But, I do know that when I hear him go into my room and the closet door shuts, it’s usually not good.
|Tape for the ornament? Who knows…|
I’ve been telling him over and over again that he is not to touch the ornaments on the tree. That they aren’t toys and he cannot play with them. And with me in the room, he listens. However…he snuck that one past me. And then I had to put him in time-out for breaking the ornament.
Which leads to something else he does lately that I’m not sure how to handle. The spitting. He spits on himself. Like, all over himself. It’s so gross and I happen to have an extreme aversion to spit. It makes me want to gag. I don’t get it, honestly. I don’t get much of what he does.
List of things I don’t understand:
1. Why he breaks things he likes.
2. Why he spits on himself.
3. Why certain words are funny (yesterday it was “salt” and “pepper” and “bacon.”
4. Why he seems to want to be angry sometimes.
5. Why he pees in his underwear when he knows how to use the potty.
6. Related to #5…why he pees on his blanket.
7. How his teacher has better days with him than I do.
8. Why Mini Coopers play such a pivotal role in his mood.
9. Why Daddy’s car is better than Mommy’s car.
10. Why he doesn’t sleep most nights the way he should.
11. Why I don’t know what the heck I’m doing.
12. Why people tell me I’m so patient when I know I’m not. Look in the dictionary and read the definition of the word.
pa·tient [pey-shuhnt] (adjective) bearing provocation, annoyance, misfortune, delay, hardship, pain, etc., with fortitude and calm and without complaint, anger, or the like.
See that definition? Totally not me. Let’s analyze the definition further. Bearing provocation, annoyance, etc., with fortitude…
for·ti·tude [fawr-ti-tood, -tyood] (noun) mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously
I would not describe the way with which I “bear” things as being done with “mental and emotional strength” either.
I will say for myself that I maintain a certain level of patience…for about an hour of sustained fit-throwing at most. After that, I need to tap out. Because it kills me to see him do the things he does.
This is why I need to figure out how to deal with these behaviors. The destruction needs to stop. As do the meltdowns. Because I’ve got no one, aside from The Manager, to take him so that I can have a spell. A respite.
And the very idea that relief was coming soon seems to be a joke now. I emailed Gabe (from The Arc) to inquire as to when I could expect at least some case management to start, and heard nothing back. It’s ridiculous.
And there’s stories like this one, where a mother leaves her autistic son at a hospital because she couldn’t take care of him and could not find anyone to help her. How terrible is it that it took her doing something so extreme for them to say, “We’re talking about parents who tried everything else and got desperate, so we’re working with them.” What? Now someone’s going to help them? Well, they should’ve been helped before that. Someone should’ve done something sooner.
Thankfully, The Manager and I aren’t separated, we’ve both got jobs, and our financial situation is stable, so we haven’t got those extra stressors that that poor mother had. And I would never just leave my child like that. And my child is on the mild end of the spectrum, Thank God. But, I gotta say…I can relate. And there are days that I feel like I’m at the end of my rope. And there are certainly plenty of times that I’ve got no idea what to do with the behavior issues. When it seems nothing is working. When we’ve tried all the strategies and it’s just one thing after another.
I just wish, with every fiber of my being, that these professionals we talk to actually had answers for us. Real answers. Real support. For real.