We’ve had some pretty good days (which we call green days) with Squeaker the past week. He’s been happy, sleeping well, and he’s having fewer issues at school. Seems like we’re on an upswing. I’m hoping this one lasts for a while because life is so much easier when he’s like this. There are no potty accidents, his battle wounds (for the most part) have time to heal from previous meltdowns, and there is less screaming.
^^This was written literally a DAY before the bad, horrible, terrible, very bad, no good week. The week that brought me to my knees.
Then, we had this weekend. He slept. Thank GOD. He slept.
When he sleeps, things are easier. I wish he didn’t cycle like he does. But, I guess at least I know when the bad days are coming. Usually, they are preceded by the nights where he’s so wound up he can’t sleep until about midnight.
But this weekend, I was allowed to breathe for just a little while. By no means was it perfect. Why? Because, first and foremost, he is still a child. And children have their moments. Second, he has Autism, so his moments are just a bit harder to deal with than the average child. I could handle it, though. The bruises from last week are healing. His and mine.
Saturday, we took him on the ferry and went to Aurora to dig for fossils. We really thought he’d love digging in the dirt and Big Guy also loves the dirt, so we felt it was a no-lose situation. He absolutely loved the ferry ride. He got to ride on a boat that had cars on it. What’s not to love? He was less than impressed with the fossil place, but he loved the playground at the Burger King, so I guess we still won.
And on Sunday, we took him to a birthday party. He swam a bit in water that was a touch too cold, but he didn’t seem to mind that for a few minutes. And we’re good at reading when it’s time to go, so we got out of there without any meltdowns.
Then, yesterday was a half-day at school, so he was set up for success there. He had a GREEN day, which is awesome! So, he got to pick a prize out of the prize box. It cost him $7 of his “money” there, but I guess it was worth it to him. And then I gave him a lollipop when I came to pick him up from a friend’s house, where he also did well, so he got doubly rewarded.
Sidenote: He also wore green yesterday. Unplanned. But maybe we should buy more green clothes?
I struggle, on these days, to live in the moment. To enjoy the good times while we have them. To not think ahead and worry about when the happy days will end. I want to relax and breathe and live as if it’s going to last forever. It’s something I need to work on. Knowing that he goes through cycles with his behavior and not knowing how long it’ll last this time is hard. It’s like I’m robbing myself of this time. I need to be happy and enjoy the beautiful days.
So, I write today to remember. We do have good days. We do have days that are full of smiles.
My children are beautiful, inside and out. Even on the bad days, they are beautiful. But, not all days are bad. I can have fun with my kids. I can enjoy them and laugh with them and have days that I feel at ease. We do have green days. And green days are awesome.