Every morning, like clockwork, I hear him from the back of the car, “I have to poop!” Always on the way to work. We’ve tried getting him to go to the bathroom before we leave the house, but his answer to the question, “Do you need to go potty?” is always “no.” No matter how hard we try to get him to attempt to go anyway, he only ever pees. I so wish I could squeeze poop out of him. Those precious few minutes he wastes of my time every single morning frustrates the Hell out of me.
From the outside, this all looks like a simple problem. However, this morning habit has become a ritual. Not only has he begun telling me he has to poop every single morning in the car, but he asks at the exact same point in the drive. If I don’t break this soon, I’m in trouble, because I’ve already added this unfortunate habit into my drive time. I do not want it to be a permanent fixture in our schedule. As it is, I’m speed-walking him to his classroom every morning, then going as fast as my short legs will carry me back to my car, pushing the legal speed limit to my school, bursting through the doors, and making it to class just on time. There are mornings that go better than this, but a majority of our mornings have followed this exact pattern.
This morning, after stopping at his favorite gas station for his morning defecation, I told him while I unbuckled his five-point harness that if he chose to “hold it” after today, I will take away his smileys because Mommy needs to get to work at a certain time. I took him to the bathroom, where he only urinated. He enjoyed saying hello to the people who work at the gas station that he loves to frequent. It would seem that this place has become a comfort zone for him. However, he will also settle for going on the side of the road if he can’t make it to the gas station.
Yes, I can take his smileys away for him choosing the road or the gas station instead of the house for his potty-time, but in the end, he’s got me held captive in the mornings. Any time, any place, he can shout out, “I’ve gotta poop!” and he’s got me. He’s got me, because I know that if I don’t stop, he will go in his pants.