One year ago today, I posted this blog entry wherein I spoke about how difficult I found it to answer questions about Squeaker’s day or questions about his progress in school. Indeed, the question felt like a loaded one. At the time, it seemed like he grew academically, but constantly took two steps back with his behavior. When I compare how I felt last year to how I feel today, I know things have changed because of the noticeable progress in his behavior both at home and at school.
One year ago today, I had days where I felt uncertain over whether I should answer honestly when people asked me questions about my children. I felt like a Debbie Downer, honestly, because words of enthusiasm escaped me. Of course, even then, I guess I really needed to come up with some positives. Surely some existed. But, we went through a great deal of rough patches. Things have changed. Squeaker no longer goes to a self-contained classroom. He has modified assignments and support throughout the day, but he goes to regular classes with his peers most of the day and a great majority of the time, he now behaves appropriately. He no longer has the meltdowns he used to have at school. He may exhibit self-injurious behaviors once every few weeks, but the episodes don’t last. Overall, the child we saw last year has morphed into this more mature, though still a bit needy, little 2nd-grader.
One year ago today, I came to work crying pretty consistently. I would stop myself just before I got out of the car so that I looked composed when I stepped into work. Our mornings started off rough, I never got there on time, and I hated it. I just wanted to be like everyone else at work and get there early enough to start my day before the kids came walking through the classroom doors. And, more than anything, I wanted my son to walk into his school without a fight or without dragging his feet. Now, I drop my son off at a daycare before going to work because he can handle going to a daycare with other kids his age and riding their daycare van to school in the mornings and back to daycare in the afternoons. I get to work on time with no tears involved. On top of that, he gets his shoes and socks on by himself this year before we leave the house, which is a freakin’ miracle, and I’m glad I started making him do that, because I can’t tell you how many times we got to school and he didn’t have shoes. This mama got fed up. No more. I don’t care how much he hates wearing shoes. We’re moving up in the world, I’m telling you.
One year ago today, I hardly ever bragged about my child or talked about my youngest boy. I feel horrible about that. Both my children deserve a place of esteem. You know people had no idea I had a second child, and that had to change. My youngest got lost in the shuffle way too much, and that’s so not okay. That’s my fault, not Squeaker’s, and adjustments got made because when someone gets ignored, they do things to show themselves and they shouldn’t have to. I am simply amazed by how well those two play together these days. They’re like best friends. Sometimes I kind of hate it because they do things that I wish they wouldn’t, but they’re comrades and I can’t help but see the beauty in that. Big Guy will defend Squeaker sometimes when he gets in trouble, and it’s kind of cute. They still fight and argue and get on each other’s nerves, but mostly, they just love each other. I’ve raised wonderful, loving, giving boys, and I couldn’t feel more blessed. Certainly, I feel more blessed than I did last year this time when my mind felt clouded over by the stress of just dealing with everything going on all at once and Squeaker not handling school well. I’m so glad that this school year seems better, for the sake of both of us.
All in all, as far as my children go, things titled in the positive direction compared to this time last year.
How about you? If you did a comparison, how is your year going in comparison to last year?