My autistic son was hospitalized again a couple of weeks ago, so I’ve had a lot on my mind and we’re missing him terribly. Not even sure where to start, because it all happened so fast. School started and even though I did everything I could to get him ready, he wasn’t ready. I had him visit the school and classroom often before school started. He met his teacher. He picked out his own seat. But then, the first day of school happened.
The first day of school wasn’t just bad, it was awful. He had already managed to hurt others, stab someone with a pencil, and throw furniture. By day two, he had destroyed things, hit others, and then threatened to bring a gun to school (which he has no access to because we don’t have a gun). Because of his threat, we had to get a risk assessment done, and he was put in the hospital due to his out of control behaviors. He just wasn’t safe to be around.
I cried often the first few days and felt depressed. I know he’s not just autistic because his behaviors go way beyond that. It doesn’t seem fair that he’s got SO MUCH going on. It’s not fair to him and it’s not fair to us, but as I was told often growing up, life is not fair. Nope. Not fair at all. Now we just wait until they decide he can come home and rejoin our family. It doesn’t feel right without him around. I spend my days missing him.
A Poem for My Missing Son
Days went by, then they multiplied into weeks,
And yet we still don’t have you at home.
Therapy and then medication tweaks
With brief and clipped calls on the phone.
I wish we could see you much more
While we wait for them to release you
It’s not like it’s you that we ignore
But rather we follow their rules
We’re missing you, my son, while you’re away
And we want you to come home healed.
At home is where we want you to stay
Now that your treatment needs are revealed.
So hang in there, my little sweetie pie
While we patiently await your return.
You will be a sight for sore eyes
And a fond feeling for us to discern.