A peaceful, tranquil color. Viridian green describes the me I portray on the outside perfectly. Every day, I must speak in even tones like the calm viridian waters of a beautiful green lake. At home and at school, my tone, my facial expressions, and my body language must stay an even keel.
Yet, my insides rarely match the placidity I try to show on the outside. When extreme pressure at home mixes with pressure at work, the Viridian green changes to shades of deep slate blue that I fight to push down with such force that frustration boils over like firebrick red. These colors just don’t mix well. They get muddied up. Green, blue, and red mixed together make a strange brownish purple and it’s ugly. Everything looks ugly. Eventually, I must let something go or I’m looking at life through this muddy lens, and blue leaks out everywhere as I let out my firebrick red frustration. All that I hold in comes out at once like a pressure cooker. In the end, I’ve released everything and I’m left feeling light pink because I hate showing emotion.
I show it most of the time. Cool as a cucumber. No emotion. Calm.
What bothers me is when my calm gets disturbed and I begin to show cracks in my exterior wall more often. It shows that I need a break and that I cannot maintain this pressure much longer, and I know this is true because I’m spilling over more often. I just hold on to the reality that the end to this pressure comes as soon as school ends. Maybe then I can feel competent in at least one area of my life and less like I’m slowly failing everywhere because I cannot hold this all together much longer. The shades of green that I show the outside world will matter less when I falter, but I want more than anything to shine like gold. I plan to do just that as soon as I can get a break.
Welcome to Sunny Saturdays, Week 4
I’m glad you stopped by! Last week, I had Happy Mama, Healthy Kids link up with her awesome post on Autism Acceptance, where she talked about her family’s daily struggles and triumphs. I hope you’ll stop by and see what she has to say.
This Week’s Prompts
- Is there something that you memorized long ago and still remember
- Complete the following sentence: Love is…
- If you had to describe yourself as a color, which color would you choose? Why?
Next Week’s Prompts
- What is your favorite way to spend a lazy day?
- Write today’s entry dated 10 years into the future.
- Write about something currently in your life that is “worth it.”
- Follow the prompts (You must follow the prompts to link-up)
- Visit other people (it’s only polite)
- Use the link-up button below to show your participation in the link-up
- Have fun and let the sunshine in!
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Originally posted 2015-04-25 09:09:09.