And a jolly one it is, to be starting it off in the hospital! But, oh “ho, ho,” I’m not going to let that bring me down.
Thought for the Day: “I am a survivor. I am recovering. I am a miracle.”
(From A Restful Mind: Daily Meditations for Enhancing Mental Health by Mark Allen Zabawa)
I dreamt that my students and my coworkers heralded me for recovering after all I’ve been through (I wasn’t sure how they knew since I had never told them, but it was a dream, so I didn’t question). No, I’m not at 100%, and I may never be. I think that’s asking too much. But, to be able to look back and say that I’m a survivor for the following reasons…
Why I’m a Survivor
- I survived emotional abuse
- I survived witnessing violence growing up
- I survived sexual abuse during a date when I was 17
- I am surviving and witnessing the miracle of having a child with Autism
- I survived the trauma of watching my son go through brain surgery
- I survived the trauma of being told my baby had achondroplasia (dwarfism), preparing for it, and then finding out he was perfectly healthy
- I survived having a sister who tried to ruin my life
I also dreamt of forgiveness. Not of forgetfulness, but of forgiveness. I’ve seen a lot in the hospital. Some people cannot help what they do and they do the best they can. That does not mean what they’ve done is right or that we should put up with it for the sake of our own well-being, but it is forgivable. So, I forgive, even if I cannot allow it to happen again.
To my parents, I love you with all my heart. Please know that I know you love me and I appreciate you for who you are today and I don’t think of you for who you were 20 years ago.
To my husband, I’m sorry for making you a single dad for most of the holiday season. I will do my best to make it up to you. I love you oodles!
To my children, who may read this 20 years from now, I love you and always will. I’m sorry Mommy had to be away for so long and that I missed so much, but I’m so glad to have been there for most of this Christmas. I’ll do my best to stay healthy so that you never even remember this.
To anyone reading this right now, I’m doing the best I can. If you choose to criticize me for it, that’s your problem, not mine. And that’s about all I have to say about that.
The best thing is, I got to see how happy my children were to play with their new gifts on Christmas day and I got to make them special pancakes this morning. I’m here now. And for one day of our lives, everything feels “normal.” I’m glad I’m a survivor. And I’m glad my children are survivors too.