Lately I feel like I’m looking into the never-ending horizon of the unknown. I have no idea what my future holds. I don’t know what my boss wants from me and I’m not sure that I’ll get an answer any time soon. I don’t even know if I’ll stay in my current position next year. I don’t know if I’m wanted there by anyone other than the students who keep asking me if I can teach them again next year. I feel lost, but pushed look elsewhere for a sense of security. Of course, the best advice I’ve been given is to not let fear of the unknown keep me from changing what I know doesn’t work. I guess I’m just trying to figure out if I can’t make it work, though. I’m always trying to fix things and make them work.
In a perfect world, everyone would get along, everything would go as planned, everyone would follow the rules, and I would have a classroom. I’d settle for that happening 80% of the time, though. Maybe 100% on the rule-following for adults and 80% for children, with 80% for everything else. I think that’s reasonable.
Anyway, the unknown sucks so much. I could get another job, and I’ve even found some that pay more with great benefits, but then I have to figure things out with Squeaker, and that’s the rub. Sure, things can work out. We will somehow navigate a new school system if we must. We will learn to work with new teachers, new specialists, and new everything else. That’s not what I had envisioned, ultimately, though. He’s doing so well at school right now. He’s in regular classes most of the day and he’s progressing socially and academically. Next year, he’ll go out of the life skills class, probably with some supports. I don’t know yet because the meeting will occur on June 10th, but I’m sure we’ll at least give him a resource class and social skills support and he’ll continue with Speech and OT. I guess it all depends on how things shook out with his reevaluation. I’m nervous about that meeting, too.
For me, though, not knowing what will happen next affects more than just me and it’s a bigger deal for our family than most because a transition into the unknown for my son takes a lot of preparation. Last summer, I had to change schools. I had him visit his new school several times over the summer to get him used to the idea. I made sure the new school knew about him, his needs, and his issues before we started that Fall. I’d prefer not to change things up again, but if we had to, I’d like for us to know about it early. Whatever happens, I’m sure we’ll get through it. We got through last year, and certainly did not go as planned. I’ll just keep working on Plan A, Plan B, and Plan C, and one of those plans will work out because somehow things always work out and I’ll pray that one way or the other, whether it’s me doing it or someone else, the students that I care deeply about will be taken care of next year.