Have you ever felt besieged with guilt for doing something that you knew you needed to do? I can never fully explain to my dear students why I’m leaving them because it’s not fair to bring them into the drama when their lives already overflow with drama, but I can at least tell them I’m leaving. I did that today, and felt so incredibly guilty as one student burst into tears and the others stared at me with a shocked dead-silence.
“But why?” they beseeched me. “Why do you have to go?”
The answer? It’s both simple and complicated. I gave them the simple answer. I am looking for work closer to home. As unsatisfying as that explanation might sound, it’s all I could give. And I told them it’s not because I don’t love them or don’t want to teach them, because I do love them and I enjoy teaching them. It’s just…it’s what I need to do.
I couldn’t tell them that I needed to give my family more time than I’ve given in the past 2 years while working for a system that doesn’t seem to value my time at all. My sons, both of them, need their mommy. And not just half of her attention when she’s present, but all of it. My husband needs his wife back. I need more sleep than I get staying up past midnight to plan an insane amount of lessons. In short, I just need to get back to being me. Thankfully, the school system closer to my house has lots of job openings and there are kids that need me everywhere. As much as I love my kids, I know I can keep them in my heart and still care for new students.
I wish them all the best, and I truly hope that they find a replacement for me that’s worthy of the awesome kids I’m leaving. They deserve the best. I wouldn’t dare to claim that I’m perfect, but I know that I poured every ounce of myself into my job and that it showed by way of growth in my students. It showed in the way that they cared what they did. They cared because they knew I cared.
I completed an exit survey with my students and every single one of them acknowledged that they knew that I care about their progress as students. One student said that he knew I cared because I “would be proud of [him]” and “other teachers say, I don’t care it’s your grade.” Another student said, “I felt good because she would not let me give up.” I only got one negative response from students, and he said he felt it was a “bother” that I cared so much about him and he protested, “Stop caring about me!”
But you know what? I can’t stop caring. I will always care. And even though I won’t teach them next year, I will always wonder how they’re doing.
My dear students, I will always care for you. It’s hard not feeling attached when you spend so much of your time around me. For two hours every day, I got to know each and every one of you. How could I not love you all like my own children after spending so much time with you? My heart breaks a little to leave you all, but I know it’s the right thing to do. Trust that your next teacher will love you all as much as I did, because there’s no way anyone couldn’t love you. You will do just fine without me because you’re strong and resilient. I have faith that it will all work out in the end, and so should you.
Have you ever felt guilty about something that you knew in your heart you needed to do?
Welcome to another week of Sunny Saturdays! Those of you lurking around on here and not linking up…I see you! Come and join in on the link-up and help me get this thing rolling. For this week’s social media link-up, add your favorite Instagram post. Pretty please!
This Week’s Writing Prompts:
- Describe the last time you pulled an all-nighter. Why did you do it? Was it worth it?
- Guilty! Write about the last time you felt guilt about something.
- If you could have any expert teach you everything they knew, who would you choose?
Next Week’s Writing Prompts:
- Write about someone in your life that inspires you.
- Write a blog entry inspired by the word “hope.”
- Give a detailed account of what it’s like to eat dinner at your house.
Link-up Your Blog Entry from This Week!
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Link-up your favorite Instagram post from this week here!
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Originally posted 2015-06-06 07:11:51.