Especially around Valentine’s Day, we all seek love in our lives. Dr. Nour provides the good news that everyone falls in love at least once but usually multiples times in their lifetime. In his book, True Love, neurologist Dr. Fred Nour discusses how our brain chemistry and genes create optimal conditions for falling in love. In fact, he actually provides four distinct phases in falling in love and how genetics, chemistry, and behavior all play out in the four phases of love. Could your biggest question about falling in love be answered in this book?
So, Why Do Fools Fall in Love?
Falling in love can feel literally like falling sometimes. But why do we sometimes fall for the wrong people, and why do people act insane sometimes when falling in love? Nour says that we are actually pre-programmed to fall in love with someone who we believe carries good genes. This means we will pick someone who looks physically attractive and who appears sexier (or more fertile). Additionally, we women tend to fall for men with stronger voices while men hunt for the most physically attractive female. This means we don’t always look for who would be the best fit emotionally, but rather who has the best looks and the sexier voice, which doesn’t always mean they’re the nicest people. Perhaps this explains the drive for “bad boys” that some women have.
The Influence of Fantasia on Falling in Love
Unfortunately, Nour says, we also have developed a fantasia (ideal love image) from unrealistic expectations driven by the media. After reading romance novels, watching fairy tale romances, and seeing what “beauty” looks like in Hollywood, we can’t help but fantasize. Eventually, most people lower expectations to reasonable levels, but some people never find their true love because of the search for the unrealistic.
How Do We Find True Love?
Does true love even exist? Nour talks about the chemical aspects of love–how oxytocin and vasopressin influence how we fall in and out of love. Apparently, oxytocin, more prevalent in females, leads to a narrower range in mate selection. Vasopressin, more prevalent in men, leads to a larger pool from which to select a mate. This means that men have a wider range of interest than women. To learn more, read Nour’s book, as he goes into deeper detail about how nonapeptides play a role in monogamy and finding real love. He also talks about how to go about finding true love scientifically.
Does Falling Out of Love Mean the end of the Relationship?
While people talk about broken hearts all the time, does falling out of love mean the end of the relationship necessarily? As Nour puts it, falling out of love just means that we’ve stopped falling in love, which is a phase that cannot last forever. Rather, falling out of love gives us an opportunity to explore whether or not our mate is right for us and if we determine that we’re with the best person for us, we should continue the relationship, not expecting those feelings from falling in love to last forever.
There is so much more to love and the science of love the Dr. Nour covers in his book, which is very in-depth and covers not just science, but examples of people who have gone through the four love phases, and films, plays, and operas that enrich the coverage of the topic. If you’re interested in learning the science behind love, you should check out his book. The following link is an affiliate link to the book, which provides you with easy access to the book while also providing me with some monetary compensation so that I may continue providing you with great content. Enjoy!
About Dr. Fred Nour
Dr. Nour is a Neurologist (specialist in brain disorders) who is certified in both Neurology and Neurophysiology (electric studies of the brain) by the American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology. He holds two British degrees: Member of the Royal College of Surgeons of England & Licentiate of the Royal College of Physicians of London.