What It’s Like to Wonder “What if”

What It's Like to Wonder "What if"It is no surprise that my son, Squeaker, has difficulty in school. His autism makes it hard for him to function both socially and academically. For years, we have been working on getting him to manage his frustrations in more socially appropriate ways, and we have made a lot of progress. This year, he has taken some steps in the wrong direction with his growth and progress. I would wager to say that he has never displayed behaviors as severe as he has this year. From hitting other kids to throwing furniture, he’s displayed his displeasure with school in the most destructive ways. It disheartened me to hear him talk about how much he hates school after so many years of hearing him talk about how much he loves school. Seeing his enthusiasm for learning dwindle bit-by-bit is perhaps one of the saddest side-effects of people not understanding my son. In the end, I feel called to wonder “what if” on so many levels. 

What If

What if the world were made more fair

And compassion could be found

What if they didn’t dare compare

My son to those around

What if they sought to understand

Before seeking consequences

What if they tried to lend a hand

Instead of raising his defenses

What they gave him sensory breaks

During over-stimulation

What if they forgave his mistakes

To give him motivation

What if the whole world understood

And gave my son a chance

If they gave him sense of brotherhood

I know I’d want to dance

And while I have not given up

Sometimes I wish for more

From a world they needs to wake up

And allow all kids to soar

 Tweet: Learn What It’s Like to Wonder “What If” http://ctt.ec/71aWk+ @embracespectrum #whatif

On Wednesday of next week, we have another IEP meeting to go over how my son is doing in school and what we need to do from here. I really hope that we can turn things around and create a renewed enthusiasm for learning in Squeaker. I just want him to learn, grow, and feel confidence again.  Maybe one day the world will understand autism better, and I will no longer need to wonder what could be. 




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  1. Thank you for bringing more understanding about childhood disability to the Bloggers Pit Stop. My heart goes out to Squeaker and pray that his enthusiasm for learning will return. I would like all your wishes and what ifs to be granted.
    Kind regards,

  2. I understand. Not with Autism but with ADHD, anxiety, brain injuries, and so forth. When I start to wonder, I have to stop myself and let it go. Life is what it is 🙂 But I truly understand wondering what if and what could be 🙂