Why White Girls Over 30 Can’t Jump Fences

So, yesterday I locked myself out of the house in the back yard while taking out the puppy. I wanted to get back inside. I’ve got the gate tied shut so that the kids cannot escape and it was dark outside, so I made a pivotal decision. Determined, I decided to jump that fence. Turns out, that wasn’t my smartest move because now I’ve got to fight to recover from multiple fractures.

Why White Girls Over 30 Can't Jump Fences.

The Fence Jumping Stance

When jumping a fence, I figured there was a specific stance you had to take to jump a fence. Climbing to the top, I braced myself at the top, feet poised on the posts that held the boards together. I looked down, assessing the distance warily. Not too far. It might hurt some to land, but I could handle. Birds chirped in the distance, perhaps warning me against my ultimately incorrect assumption.that I could make it.

The Breaking Sound



After steeling myself for the jump, I mentally counted to three and then jumped. An audible pop followed by sharp pain followed. Quietly, I cursed to myself, knowing I had done some damage to my one good leg. I tried to get up but couldn’t. In my mind, images from those commercials with old ladies popped into my head. An old lady cries out, “Help me! I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” Where’s a rescue alert bracelet when you need one? Instead, I army-crawled my way through wet grass, dirt, and grit to get back into the house, and knocked on my bedroom door. 

Somebody Call 911!

My dear hubby tried to help me out but there was just too much going on with my ankle/leg for him to move me. He called 911 and they showed up fairly quickly and were very helpful. They helped get me to the car to save me from ambulance charges and were extremely friendly. We drove to the hospital, where I soon found out that ortho would need to get involved due to compound fractures. For now, I’m at home, resting and trying to carefully use crutches as needed to get around. 

Moral of the Story

If you’re able to at all avoid it and you’re not a secret ninja, do NOT jump your fence.

 

Have you ever done something that in hindsight was really stupid? Share so I feel better about my stupid decision, please. 🙂 

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