Falling asleep on the couch last night, I realized that I need to do something about my energy level. Where did it go? This morning, I’m walking my son into school, dragging my feet. I swear, I feel like a zombie. If I swung my arms just right, started moaning, and had that unhealthy hue to my skin, I’d definitely fit the bill of a zombie. I drop off Squeaker, and we do our regular routine. He puts up his backpack, his teacher reminds him that I have to go to work, he gives me a kiss on the cheek and waits for me to kiss him on the cheek, and then I say goodbye to him and tell him to have a good day while he runs off. I trudge down the hallway to my car, giving half-hearted sleepy smiles to people I pass.
This, readers, comes after a night where I fell asleep on the couch at about 8:30pm. I got plenty of sleep. And I’m a zombie. I get to work, and I’m still out of it.
“You need to wake up!” the receptionist jokes with me as a mumble somewhat incoherently. I start to shake the sleepies off and tell them I don’t know why I’m so tired after sleeping so much.
I’m chronically tired. No matter what I do, I’m chronically tired.
What I wouldn’t give to not feel like I’m going to pass out while standing up on my feet. Or, to form coherent sentences in the mornings before 8:30am. After all, I do get up by 6:15am (by the time I’m done hitting the snooze button). Or, to just the energy to do the things I need to do. Most of the time, though, I just don’t feel like it.
Makes it hard to cope with stress, with my son’s meltdowns, with my own noise-intolerance issues, and, honestly, with everything. It just makes things hard. I need some energy. I don’t drink caffeine like I did before, which, really, is a good thing. I shouldn’t. But, I’m so tired. I need more sleep. But, I also need more energy to go with the sleep that I do get. Please, Lord, get me some energy to cope with this crazy life I lead. Who can carry on this way without liveliness, vigor, animation…ENERGY? I need it.
I can’t be a zombie. Zombie mom. Zombie teacher. Zombie wife. It just doesn’t work. I need to join the life of the living.